Wednesday, September 29 – We can do hard things
Over the years, as folks have learned about Heath’s heart transplant story, we have often seen them shake their head, maybe even tear up a little bit and say something like, “I don’t know how you’ve done this, how he has done this.” Or “How are you still standing?” Or “You are so strong. I don’t think I could do it as a parent.” I often respond with, “well–you just DO it. You figure it out.”
The truth is this–some days none of us know how to do anything except put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes we can see the plan laid out in front of us and goodness it looks awesome. Sometimes we’re not sure if we will make it to the next moment. But we keep going–whether with a yell or a whimper, kicking and screaming or skipping and laughing–we keep on.
Recovery from anything is not usually a quick and easy process. Heath is doing remarkably well (providers are amazed with the ways he is participating in his care, listening, learning, recovering), but even the most remarkable recovery takes time. Throw in super-low white blood cell counts (from chemo) and major emergent GI surgery with an ostomy, oh, and keeping your transplanted heart in good shape with the correct levels of immune-suppressants, and we’re learning to just take each day as it comes.
On my “medical words I wish I didn’t have to know” list this week, we add the word, NEUTROPENIC, which means that you have an abnormally low count of a specific kind of white blood cell–neutrophils–that can leave way for high fevers and infections. This is where you expect to be with chemo, but a word you don’t really want to live or learn. It is also what will keep us here at Duke–IV antibiotics are a good thing for neutropenic people, especially those who have just had surgery.
We’ve struggled to figure out how to update everyone because it seems that we think we have one part of the answer and it changes the next day. In these days we are working on rest, recovery, weight gain, PT, and even a little schoolwork.
We’re learning to find some happiness in eating french toast and pizza (!!), throwback Gatorade cans that showed up in the PICU and on our unit (see pic), PT students who add college teams to Heath’s plan and remember what he likes, nurses who want to have him each day and wear silly hats and bring football pillowcases and talk about regular life stuff, and house-keeping staff who strike up hilarious conversations with patients while taking out the trash. All those things.
At some point in the next week or so, we’ll hopefully head home for a little mental/physical breather before we start the next round of chemo. The planner in me desperately wants to tell you exactly WHEN. But the part of me that needs to remember that we are in a “one foot in front of the other” season knows that I should not speculate on such things too much.
When I was talking with Ron (Shive, my dear friend and colleague at FPC) yesterday, he was telling me that he had been asked in a retreat ice-breaker this question: What would the title of your autobiography be? I don’t know, but it certainly is a question worth pondering. What would yours be?
For me, maybe for Heath’s biography (he has teasingly told me that he releases the rights for us to write a book about this experience), right now it must be this–“We Can Do Hard Things.”
We can, friends, we can do hard things. It doesn’t mean that we’ll do it with a ridiculous smile or goodness knows, not in a “God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle” kind of way (by the way, that is not my brand of theology), but in a step by step, find grace and good and humor and tears and anger all mixed up together, kind of way.
This is the sermon/pep talk I give myself late at night when the monitors beep in the hospital or I am trying to figure out how to help bring some “normalcy” to our other precious kiddos or train our very bad puppy so she doesn’t eat the antique couch…we can do hard things.
My biggest strength to get through tough days has been my faith that God will be with me. I have had many challenges over the years and I have put myself in God’s hands. Praying for you to have continued strength and courage. ❤️
Thinking of you all this evening…
Praying for Heath— for healing, weight gain, normal counts, Duke’s awesome medical team, for protection over all of you and sending hugs and love….
Dearest Tuttles,
I think of you every day-when I rise, when I pray for all of you during the day, when I wake in the night, wondering if Heath is okay, if you have had any sleep, if you remembered to eat something, if Heath had his favorite noodles. We can indeed do the hard things although my grandbabies would tell me, “But I don’t WANT to!”. I don’t WANT to do this hard thing. I don’t WANT the Tuttles to have to do this hard thing but somehow we must. With God’s grace and the saints that surround you, we will do this hard thing-TOGETHER!
We love you Tuttles. Prayers continue for you every step of this journey.
Grace and peace,
Gran Sarah
Thinking of you all daily. This made me think of Glennon Doyle’s podcast, also called “We Can Do Hard Things”. There is even a lovely intro song by the same name by her daughter and Brandi Carlisle, and you can adopt that as your theme song too. 🙂
“I came to Jesus as I was
Weary and worn and sad.
I found in him a resting place,
And he has made me glad”
Let us who love you and your family be your resting place as well. Whatever time and energy you can give to posting is enough; keeping us updated should not add to your weight. Know that we are here for all of you to be a resting place and that you are held in our prayers and our hearts.
Lori
Yes! We can do hard things and we do them the best we can, minute to minute. We’ve GOT it, this minute. All is well.
You guys are in my prayers. Hope you get home this week AND you have an antique couch to enjoy! Just keep swimming….
It means so much to read your words and be allowed to share in this difficult journey, to realize your great love and courage and wisdom. And how important and meaningful is the compassion of the many people working at Duke to help Heath and all of you come through this hard time. My many prayers for healing continue for Heath and your family, and your words give me more hope for good in the world, day by day.
Carrie, never worry about what you post — we know that things change, sometimes hourly, in the hospital (and sometimes in regular life, whatever that is). I hope it’s cathartic for YOU to process what’s happening and I hope you really, truly feel the support we’re all sending. I can hear your voice when I read your posts and your sense of humor coming through, along with a mother’s anguish, for sure. I hope that by next week, things won’t be so hard and you can take Heath home and have a big, family cuddle. Love you, Terry
When there were hard things in my life…when there are hard things in my life God sends friends, doctors, family angels on this earth… They give us strength to do the impossible … May you always feel the love of the angels…. for we are each others angels… sharing keeps us close… thank you…. Would you tell us the address please so we can send cards…? Hugs and prayers..,Barbara
Once again I am impressed with your concise “reporting” of the situation. It is so detailed in a readable form
for us to appreciate. It should defintely be a biography, with some additional comments from the man himself-
Heath. He could add his own perspective on your dialogue , probably adding some humor where you least expect it.
Thoughts with you always.
Sending love and strength to do the hard things.
We are so grateful for your updates, and we do wish you didn’t have so many hard things to deal with. Everyone in Black Mountain is sending love your way.
Dear Tuttles,
Y’all are doing an amazing job tackling all the hard things — from staying on your toes with Heath’s treatments and health updates, to being wonderful parents to your other two kids, to finding joy in the small things that are actually big things — like relationships with hospital staff. We continue to keep all of you in our prayers, and we hope Heath will continue to get stronger as you wait for this next trip home! Sending lots of love and hugs,
Karen ❤️🥰
I have known and loved your mom for years and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree …Carrie you sound just like her
Faith hope and love they have always been apart of her life and I wish these things for you and your family
I hope Heath got the card from Toms NFL crew
God Bless and keep on rowing that boat
We can do hard things. Doesn’t mean it is what we would choose. There is grace for the journey, every footstep. You sound like you might know Carrie Newcomer’s song by a similar name, “You Can Do This Hard Thing. This song came to me as I was facing the unpleasant task of moving my mom out of her life long home and into care. My tears fell through the entire song during her live Mountain Stage performance. It was so cathartic, maybe for you as well. Here is a link! Prayers continue. ♥️
https://open.spotify.com/track/4kDC7PgKq1lUbGe4Ip6305?si=kGJiEMy1RXSKHARAzd2jRA&dl_branch=1
You can absolutely do hard things, but I wish you didn’t have to! Sending all my love.
And sometimes hard things are simply thrust upon us. Thank you, Carrie, for this update. Sounds so very difficult and nonstop. I hope you all can enjoy some hard-earned respite in the week ahead. Sending love from our family to yours.
So glad Heath can rest his sweet head upon a football and drink a Gatorade too!! Hard things are a part of life – your hard things sure are multiplied right now and while this is so please know that the love surrounding you is multiplied as well.
Tuttles-
I unfortunately know “neutropenic”. Too many words we wish we never heard (just think how good your family would be at medical trivia🙄). Prayers for counts to come back up & antibiotics to prevent infections. One minute, hour, day at a time.
Much love ❤️
Carol & Bruce
Today I am thankful for science, for caregivers in every form they take, and for the blanket of love that covers Heath and his family. 💙
Thank you for sharing glimpses into your behind-the-scenes hopes, struggles, and grace-sightings. I join with the multitudes who hold you all in prayers!
Wishing you much PEACE! Debbie
I’m with you Carrie on how to
handle life with humor, anger, kicking it, etc…
Sending so much LOVE and support while you, Chris, Heath, Ella Brooks and Wilson do the hard things….
Wish I could take it all away…
Hugs
Bonnie