Friday, December 24 – Merry Christmas

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The Valvano Day Hospital is quiet this Christmas Eve morning.  Actually, the halls of Duke are pretty quiet all over, not even much of a line at the Starbucks. That doesn’t change things for those families who are in all the rooms in the tower, of course, or the ED.  Or for us getting Heath’s every-other-day magnesium and fluids. But it feels sort of peaceful.  As we walked in this morning to the empty Children’s Health Center (CHC) lobby, I am pretty certain I could hear “O Holy Night” playing somewhere in the distance.

I smiled as I heard it because it has been in my head for days.  The Spirit moves in extraordinary and strange ways.  I guess I should know that by now…

On Tuesday morning, I kept hearing the words and music, over and over, as I sat by myself in the urgent care waiting for my rapid COVID results to come back.  It was so vivid that I almost sang out loud (now that would have been one for the books in the FastMed, I suspect.

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices.
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees.
O hear the angels’ voices.
O night, O night divine…

I had panicked as I started to hear stories of breakthrough cases.  I had a slightly runny nose and I began the awful realization of the domino effect of a positive COVID case in our house–surgery postponed, all the people we had seen that weekend and all the people they had seen since they returned home–no doubt many of you have had those moments of fear and imagining.  It was negative, as was the PCR that they gave me “just in case, due to our situation.”  I never really thought it was COVID, but I had to check.

With the result, I almost wept in relief, falling down on my knees in a different way than only moments before while I waited. It occurred to me that that is what so many of us are doing in this particular season–wavering between the weary and the glimpses of rejoicing, the dark middle of the night when you almost forget that light of the morning will, indeed, break in, the moments you fall on your knees because you are so weary and afraid that you can’t do anything else, and the moments when you fall on your knees in awe and gratitude.  And we know that it is usually all mixed together in this life here on earth.

In the past few weeks, we have lost two of our beloved colleagues and mentors; we have friends who are going through diagnosis and treatment of pretty frightening illnesses; we mourn with those who are experiencing grief for loved ones long lost or just in this past year.  And then the uptick in COVID cases causes the stress of “should we or shouldn’t we” all over again.  Weary. Yes.

But we are also finding beautiful ways to rejoice–it the normalcy of crazy laughter at a family game of holiday charades, of cousins just watching football together, playing “Cancer Bingo” (we termed it–a wonderful Zoom Bingo with the Cancer Partners of the Carolinas, a wonderful support organization, which was so fun and hilarious to do with cousins), a fun (ok, mom-coerced 😉) family ride through the Nights of Lights at Dix Park, anticipation of seeing more loved ones soon, and witnessing and experiencing beautiful acts of kindness.  In a couple of hours, some of us will gather in the Westminster Pres. courtyard for a service outside, lighting candles of hope, peace, love, and joy on this different Christmas Eve. The joy, the rejoicing, is there.  It just doesn’t always look the same.  The light of the morning does come, just not always exactly when we expect it.

All things point to “go” for surgery early on Tuesday, December 28.  Heath continues to gain weight and strength; labs look good.  We won’t know much else until they get him in there.  Until then, we’ll fall on our knees a little more…

A little while ago, we were talking with one of our oncologists and I said, “I think I have a blog update rolling around in my head” and Heath said, “Seriously, what do you need to update?  Nothing has happened!”  I love that he feels that way.

So I leave you with our Christmas greetings–a card that was made but we realized we would not have energy to send–wishes for peace and joy and good health with a big dose of HOPE in this season as the weary world rejoices.

  • TEAM 5! They didn’t win the game but they won our hearts.
  • This tree is my “Hope tree” filled with HOPE ornaments, made and found, from my wonderful University Presbyterian W2W group, with whom I spent each Thursday for years. What a beautiful gift. 
33 replies
  5. Sandra Boone says:

    Have thought of the Turtle family many times over Christmas. Will be praying as Heath heads into Duke for surgery on Tuesday. Praying all of you remain healthy!

    Reply
  6. Erskine Alvis says:

    We pray that you are well this day after Christmas. We are in deep prayer that Tuesday will go well. Our hope, care, and love to you.

    Reply
  8. Betty M Rissmiller says:

    I will be lifting up prayers for Heath on Tuesday that his surgery goes smoothly and there are no surprises. And I will be praying for parents who always carry the knowledge of the worst case scenario, weary of trying to keep everyone’s spirits up and also trying to maintain some kind of normalcy for the rest of the family. You all are amazing, and I know you feel the love coming at you from all corners! I certainly do, and as Easter people, we have to live out that belief everyday. Love to you all.
    Betty

    Reply
  11. Lori Pistor says:

    Oh, Carrie and Tuttle Fam! You hold the hopes and fears with such honesty and inspiration!
    Thank you for the honor of holding with you! Christmas blessings! Lori

    Reply
  12. Jane Pritchard says:

    Merry Christmas to all the Tuttles! Hope, peace, and love to you all. Prayers continue for Heath and all of you. 🎄♥️🎄

    Reply
  13. David Vaughana says:

    Merry Christmas to the Tuttle Family! I hope today was a perfect family celebration. We continue to “be on our knees” that 12/28 will be a success and that more Good News will come!

    Reply
  14. Carol walker says:

    Our love to all of you this Christmas morn. Many blessings and prayers of hope come from the Walkers to you.

    Carol and Jack🎶🎄🎶

    Reply
  16. Terry Hammersley says:

    My Mom, in dementia care, started singing “O Holy Night” during a concert last week. The staff had her come up and sing the whole thing a cappella and she managed it with only a couple of forgotten words. They gave her a standing ovation. She’d sung it a hundred times as a singer and choir director. Music is healing — it comes directly from the heart and soothes the soul. You and Chris always manage to see through the details and constant changes and ups and downs that is your life right now, and somehow focus on the things that ground you and keep you going. It’s all that love you have created and nurtured — your faith always there as your foundation. May God bless you an keep you! Merry Christmas, love, Terry

    Reply
  17. Patricia Hill says:

    Merry Christmas Tuttles from Patty and Tom Hill
    Our prayers go with you on the 28th
    For a “ New and Glorious Morning …”

    Reply
  25. Faye Maslow says:

    Merry Christmas to all
    of the Tuttle family. So glad that Tuesday is still a go for the surgery.
    I am thinking about all of you and wishing you a wonderful Holiday. Hopefully all of you will be together for a joyous time .

    Reply
  26. Betsy Rule says:

    😘 Merry Christmas!

    I’m hoping the Tuttle clan has an unbelievable Christmas with blessings coming from all directions!! Sending love and prayers!🙏

    Reply
  27. Hugh Mayronne & Penny says:

    The message of Christmas never changes and neither does its beauty or its power. You are in our prayers for strength and Peace.
    Much love to all the Tuttles from friends in Black Mountain

    Reply
  29. Beth Day says:

    Prayers, peace and joy during this trying season for you and your family!!! Christmas blessings to you guys!! ❤️🙏🏻🎄

    Reply
  30. Candy McCall says:

    What a touching card…. Family all around🥰 grateful for your update at this time Carrie. Your family is a tower of strength whether you feel it or not. I know the kids are excited about tomorrow! Keep being Carrie🙏🏻❣️🎄

    Reply
  31. Bonnie Maready says:

    O Holy Night…
    I remember at Faith, when you, Carrie, sang “O Holy Night” as a solo on Christmas Eve some years ago.
    I think about it every Christmas Eve at Faith.
    We stay on our knees for many reasons, don’t we?
    I’m thinking of y’all every step of the way… this day and everyday and I’ll be hoping for good news every day.
    Love the picture card
    Love The Tuttles
    Merry Christmas!!

    Reply

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