Sunday, December 12 – Normal Human Things

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It has been a pretty good week.

Heath never spiked a fever, so we avoided the neutropenic fever bonus hospital trip.

Carrie and I went together to the Lovefeast at WPC, which was great. It was the first time she had been in the sanctuary since probably February 2020. We got to be with special people enjoying an important Advent ritual.

Both Carrie and I did a few more work things than we normally do – mostly because we had the time.

Wednesday was an early release day and I took Wilson to the dentist.

We walked the dog and raked some leaves. Wilson had basketball practice and a friend over to play Saturday. EB had a friend visit Saturday from out of town. We hung more lights. We sat by the fireplace on some of the chilly evenings.

Wednesday Heath had a clinic appointment, the every-other-day thing for magnesium and labs that we always do, and on the way, we ended up realizing there was an event at his school that night. Each class had made some crafts you could purchase for holiday gifts, and the orchestra and chorus would play. There was a pause. “Do you want to try and go?” Another pause. “I think I’d like to.” So I called Carrie and then asked the team once we got to Duke. They graciously sped things up and moved some things around to get him out on time, and by 5 we were on our way to Lakewood Montessori Middle School to see what we could see. We walked around, chatted with some friends, and made a few purchases. We stood against the wall in the gym for a few minutes and listened to a few pieces. Then we came home. No fanfare. No crises. Just a simple, normal, human thing. It was awesome: that he wanted to go, that he felt strong enough to do it, and that the world still goes on in these ways. Between the pandemic and Heath’s cancer we simply haven’t seen much of that world. He walked more that day than he had in a long time, and I dare say he had a bit of a spring in his step.

But over it all hangs a cloud.

The Lovefeast was great, but not long after we got home Heath got sick. Some dinner and some meds, we had an anxious night. We had an early morning ostomy adventure. He got sick again Monday morning, which ended up meaning we had multiple hours at the clinic on Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Friday.

Carrie is with Heath this morning at Duke as I’m at worship. While he felt good some days, we’re also constantly examining lab reports and talking with the team. “Which team?” you might ask. And it would be a good question. Is it oncology, or cardiology, or surgery, or occasionally nephrology? Keeping the trains running on time and keeping everyone communicating with each other is quite the challenge, even with the world-class medical care we are receiving. We can only imagine how hard this is for people who don’t have all the advantages we do.

So while the normal human things have been such a gift, we’re getting pretty anxious. Monday we’ll meet with surgery about the ostomy reversal. And Tuesday we’ll have a PET scan that will tell us if we got all of the cancer, or if we….I have a hard time imagining the alternative. We are hopeful, and really do feel good about where we are. But we are also really scared. When Heath was initially diagnosed we didn’t really know what we had in store, which I think helped us. If we have to do another round – and we know this is something some of you who are reading this have had to do or had to walk loved ones through – it is tough to even think about. Because this time we’d know full well what it would entail. We honor the strength of those of you who have done this again, and again, and again.

So as you jump back into the world this week, with all of the normal, simple, human things I hope you’ll get to do, say a prayer for the saints in Kentucky and all of those places battered by storms this weekend. And also say a prayer for all of us who are waiting. Trying desperately to look like we’re doing normal human things, but with a knot in our gut, knowing test results will come soon.

The second piece the chorus sang on Wednesday night at Lakewood was Robert Frost’s “Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening.” I choked up as Heath leaned against me on the cinderblock gym wall as I remembered the final stanza: “But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.”

We remain so, so grateful for you all. We’ll be in touch when we know something.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

BY ROBERT FROST

Whose woods these are I think I know.   
His house is in the village though;   
He will not see me stopping here   
To watch his woods fill up with snow.   

My little horse must think it queer   
To stop without a farmhouse near   
Between the woods and frozen lake   
The darkest evening of the year.   

He gives his harness bells a shake   
To ask if there is some mistake.   
The only other sound’s the sweep   
Of easy wind and downy flake.   

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   
But I have promises to keep,   
And miles to go before I sleep,   
And miles to go before I sleep.

46 replies
  2. Camilla and Johnsey says:

    We continue to offer positive thoughts and prayers. Tonight’s will be special. We know the feeling fear as we waited for results in JLC’s adventures with lymphoma of the bowel. Stay strong, faith, families, friends are with you.

    Reply
  3. Sandra Lutz says:

    Thank you Heath for sharing a strong lesson of Yes I Can attitude!

    Having a soft blanket and a great looking dog to snuggle with

    must help! -Sandra Lutz

    Love to all,
    Sandra Lutz

    Reply
  8. Betsy Rule says:

    Reading about Heath’s journey causes me to think about so many things.My 93 year old aunt had ostomy reversal surgery several years ago. I visited her yesterday! We were admiring her Christmas tree! Then I think about “The Little Engine Who Could”! Heath reminds me of the Little Engine. He keeps on going!! Keep on, Heath!! We’re all “pulling”for you!!🙏

    Reply
  9. Judith Waters says:

    You are all “digging deep” to keep walking on this hard road. Our prayers continue to go with you. And we also wait with hope.
    Hank and Judie Waters

    Reply
  10. Patty Van Dyke says:

    I have had many patients have the reversal surgery and they have all had good results after surgery. Praying God will give you all the strength to get through the next few days. I am in awe of your son’s resilience. He must get his strength and grace from his parents. Thinking of you. <3

    Reply
  12. Patricia Hill says:

    Fingers crossed for good news
    Heath has the strength of a warrior and a family behind him fighting beside him
    God Bless 🙏

    Reply
  22. Sharon says:

    So much to journey through. My heart goes out to all of you. Words cannot say the hope for continuing normal after Tuesday. May it be so. Sending love and prayers.

    Reply
  24. Shelley and David Lassiter says:

    Sending love and prayers for you all. We will be praying extra hard on Tues that the scan shows that all cancer is gone! You are one amazing family!

    Reply
  28. Hugh Mayronne & Penny says:

    Thanks Tuttle family for the update on Heath. You remain in our daily prayers for the Peace that passes understanding.

    Reply
  34. Gran Sarah says:

    Oh Tutles, I think of you daily and pray without ceasing for all of you. So many hard things, sprinkled with hope. Love to all as we wait together.❤

    Much love,
    Gran Sarah

    Reply
  35. Kristen Cole says:

    Loving prayers will continue. May the PET scans show that operation obliterate has been wildly successful. Praying with faith in Jesus’s name!

    Reply
  36. Kitty Kelly says:

    Grateful for music and poetry for your souls, Rosie for snuggles and comfort and the amazing medical care you are receiving. And grateful that you allow us to be a teeny part of the journey you are all walking. Much love from the Kellys.

    Reply
  41. Carol says:

    I was filled with joy as I read the first part -how great for Heath & you to have done something “normal”. I still remember the first time I was well enough to do something “normal” after stem cell transplant. Sorry for germs🦠that you really don’t know why they pop up & we will be praying that is resolved & for great results for tests this week. Prayers & Love, Carol & Bruce ❤️

    Reply
  42. Barbara says:

    Thank you for writing.. grateful you’ve had some days that felt good and normal.. And sending hugs, love and prayers that there will be many more “normal” days with a perfect clear test result ~ done ❤️

    Reply
  43. Deanna says:

    So much love to all—and hopes for some very normal-feeling holiday celebrations and traditions in the midst of all this uprooting. We are praying for you every single day.

    Reply
  45. Bonnie Maready says:

    My heart is full knowing you experienced some normalcy this week (like the rest of us take for advantage.)
    Praying for more to come in time.
    Blessings on you all…
    Hugs and Love

    Reply

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